My Due Date Has Been Pushed Back

to Christmas, of next year. Apparently our daughter has no intention of leaving my body any time in the near, conceivable future. My 38 week appointment was this morning and per the Dr., "no progress." None at all. Zero.

Someone.Make.The.Insanity.Stop.

On the way to the Dr.'s office, I had run that scenario through my mind - to prepare myself. And I completely expected to break down in tears if it really happened, but instead, when it did I laughed - out loud - a lot. And I think that I made the Dr. and the nurse a little uncomfortable. But they laughed with me, or maybe at me - I'm not sure which.

So that's it - I go back in a week - Thursday at 8:15 a.m. Say a little prayer for me that I make it through the week, and that I don't kill anyone in the process, and that we make some progress this week. Otherwise, at this rate, I have a fear that I'll be carrying this little girl up until her 18th birthday. I have visions that I go into labor just in time for her to walk across the stage and receive her high school diploma.

In the meantime, I have a confession/declaration. I am officially vowing not to return to Walmart, or to go grocery shopping anywhere anytime soon. At least not by myself and not while I am still pregnant. Well, actually Mandy strongly advised against me doing either. The problem is that twice now I've had a serious case of pregnancy rage while doing each that was, well, it was ugly. The first time I went early on a Saturday morning to return a duplicate baby gift we received. I was hoping that I would avoid the crowds and the crazies by going early in the morning and that proved not to be the case. I pull into the Walmart parking lot that morning and proceeded to drive up and down the rows trying to find a spot close to the door, because it was cold and raining, and I didn't have my return in a bag. I finally found a car getting ready to back out, so I put on my blinker and waited patiently. Just as the car backed out, a red car from hell comes screeching around the corner and intentionally whips it way into my parking spot. The rage came from deep within and was instantaneous. Before I could even stop myself or even begin to think rationally, I pulled my car up behind those little redneck demons and laid on my horn. The stream of obscenities that came out of my mouth for the next two minutes would - well, thankfully the sound of the horn drowned out the horrible things that I found myself saying.

Have you ever watched the movie "Fried Green Tomatoes"? Remember the scene where the same thing happens to Evelyn, except to get revenge she rams her car into the other car over and over and over, the whole time screaming "TOWANDA"? I seriously considered reenacting the entire scene.



Then I thought about getting out of my car, walking up to the driver side window, taking my jacket off to fully expose my very pregnant belly, and screaming "REALLY?? REALLY?? Do you feel good about it now? You just stole a parking spot from a 8.5 month pregnant woman in the rain!!!" But gratefully, my rational returned and I stopped blowing the horn, and I stopped daydreaming about revenge, and I forced myself to pull away. When I finally found another spot I had to sit in the car for a while and cool down. It scared me that I reacted like that. I would never, ever do something like that - except apparently when I'm pregnant. 38 weeks pregnant no less. Thankfully the two women in the car did not get out of the car to try and retaliate during my hissy fit. And thankfully I was able to avoid them when I went into the store.

The second episode was not quite as bad. I was at Costco later that day and it was ridiculously packed. Every shopping cart was taken, it was raining, and extremely windy and people were just standing outside the doors waiting on more shopping carts. After waiting about 10 minutes, this lady brings 3 or 4 carts to the front - right to where I'm standing. This 16 year old girl walks right in front of me and tries to take a cart. I looked at her and said "Seriously?" and looked down at my belly. I took the cart and walked away. Poor thing. She probably had no idea that I was pregnant. I kind of felt bad for her, later on. I mean, really, it's not her fault that her parents taught her no manners what so ever. Bless her heart. I bet she won't pull that one again, at least for a little while anyway.

So, yeah, say a prayer for me this week. Thankfully Mike gets home tomorrow evening. So I'll have a full time chaperone until little Maddie decides to make her appearance. Wednesday is a full moon and I'm hoping that gravity will work it's magic. Otherwise, I'll be at home avoiding anymore pregnancy outbursts.