24 Days Left

24 days left to go and I am officially hitting the "pregnancy wall" if there is such a thing. I woke up this morning and the thought of going to work brought tears to my eyes. I got maybe 2 hours of uninterrupted sleep last night. I just can't get comfortable. No matter how many pillows I add, or which side I lay on, my back hurts and my belly burns (Dr. says she is putting pressure on my sternum). Plus, she has returned to her old habits of nestling down on top of bladder which means that I go to the bathroom more than I even care to admit or keep track of. Not to mention that no one passed the memo on to my child that movement in the last few weeks is suppose to slow down, as things get a little snug in there. Maddie's still oblivious to this notion, so she often keeps me awake with her constant, and strong movement. So, I decided to work from home today. It was either that - or call in sick - and calling in sick just makes me feel like a whimp.

Don't get me wrong - I really don't mean to complain. I feel so completely blessed to be pregnant and to have had such a healthy pregnancy. But anyone who has ever been pregnant before can attest that it's not all puppies and sunshine 100% of the time. It's hard at times. And if they say differently, please don't tell me about it - #1 I won't believe them or you, and #2 I'll just want to inflict physical harm on both of you.

I've been doing so well. I've been so proud that I can sit down on the floor and get right back up - without any help. I can still put on my socks and shoes - with no help. I haven't had any swelling. I've had energy the last month or so. I've gotten things done around the house. These may seem like simple, overrated tasks to you - but to any pregnant woman in the last few weeks of her pregnancy - these are big, no - huge feats.

As of yesterday, I officially feel defeated. I had some errands that I needed to run yesterday and it was while I was out that I could tell that things had changed. For one, getting dressed is starting to become difficult. You know you're getting close to the end when your MATERNITY shirts are getting too short. Driving is not as easy anymore either. Well, it's actually backing up that's difficult, I can't turn all the way around to see what's behind me - my belly gets in the way. Walking around trying to find the groceries that I needed was a chore. For one, my feet hurt (although still no swelling), and people were just rude. You see that I am pregnant - and not just a little - I feel HUGE - so have some common courtesy and GET OUT OF MY WAY. Don't cut me off so that you can just grab one cucumber, can of soup, etc. I thought people were suppose to be nice to pregnant women?? Anyway, I finally got home, carried in the groceries, put them up, made dinner, and I was asleep by 7:00 p.m. So much for all that energy. I haven't done that in a long time. So you would think that I would feel rested this morning, but I think that the most sleep I got was from 7:00 to 9:00.

All of this has made me have some serious appreciation for other women out there. My Mom, my Grandmothers, my girlfriends, pretty much anyone who's ever had a baby - you are a hero in my book. Especially those women out there who have really difficult pregnancies. I read several online chat boards dedicated to pregnant women, and there are countless women on there who are currently on bed rest, and have been for days, weeks, and some months. I can't imagine the frustration that they feel. And those of you who are/were pregnant and have/had little ones to take care of at the same time - I don't know how you do it/did it. And those of you who have been sick your entire pregnancy - again, I don't know how you do it. All I have been able to think about today is how am I going to make it for 24 days more? I don't know that I will be able to work right up until delivery after all and that just makes me feel like a big, fat WHIMP. Women do this all of the time right?? Women in far worse situations than mine. I'm trying really hard to suck it up, but the truth is that I feel completed defeated today. This child has totally taken control of my body and I am officially at her mercy. Which is fine - really, except 24 more days? Really??? Someone pass me the castor oil.

You know, there is a reason that generations of women before us didn't talk about the realities of being pregnant with other childless, innocent women. It was for the sake of procreation.